2015 was a less than ideal year. January 2nd I found out the reasons I had been having so much trouble finishing work outs and recovering was because I have brain lesions most likely from Multiple Sclerosis. Fast forward a year and I am still going through testing, after 3 days in the hospital getting blood tests and a spinal tap done my neurologist wants me to go to another neurologist for a second opinion. I spent 2015 grieving for my loss of fitness, which anyone that knows me knows that is my world. What started during the fall of losing feeling/use of a limb 60 miles in to a bike or a few miles into a run; turned into having to rest during a 1 mile walk. The first time I went to my doctor about it I was told to just take it easy I was over training, which if I didn’t know my body so well I probably would have believed.
I think I am finally past the grieving process. I’m hoping that writing this will help. I’m done denying that whether it is MS or something else there is something going on. Telling people I wasn’t doing any events because I felt like being lazy was easier than to admit that that something is wrong with me. But that lie is getting harder to tell. I want to do races- nothing makes me want to run more than not being able to, and I miss my bike. Swimming has been the best option for me since it keeps my body temperature regulated, but a lot of the time only 2 limbs work at at time (I just don’t know which 2 it will be until a few laps in) I plan on adapting what I can and working within my current limits. Which will be ever changing.
The 2 times I have gotten out snow shoeing this year have been great. Until an hour or so later when the electric currents and muscle spasms start, followed shortly by numbness and difficulty walking,holding things with my right arm etc. And as scary as exercises is right now because I don’t know what will happen during or after, it is also comforting to be moving again.
Some of the discussions boards I have gone to I keep hearing others in situations like mine that people want their diagnosis because they feel like once they have it they will have permission to be sick. Which I think is why I haven’t wanted to be open about what is going on, it felt like with out knowing what was going on fully I had to keep on going like everything was good. Even when it wasn’t. Then for me it became more of I need a diagnosis in order to move on. I would love to say I don’t need a diagnosis but that would be a lie. But I think I’m finally (or close) to the point where I know the diagnosis wont change anything other then allow me to get the treatment to stop the progression of “it”.
Every year I try to have a word to live by that year. Last year it was “Strength” because I felt so week, mentally and physically. This year it is going to be “Patience”, and boy do I need it.
I’ll keep you updated.
The Tenacious Triathlete 
Dear daughter, There are never clear reasons or understandings about what life brings to us in our days of every day. I fully understand and know how it feels to no longer be competitive, to get that personal best. I think ” Patience ” is a good path to take your goals like mine will change and meeting them and besting them will bring on a new competition within you that no other will ever fully understand, yet it will give you a great understanding of what it takes for others going through a challenging ordeal live with. I will always be there with you and for you in all ways. physically , mentally, spirituality , You may not know this you are a great inspiration to me you are full of life and meeting your challenges with courage and strength is a lesson many could learn from. although I know it may not always be easy May your day’s be full of joy and happyness. and your life be blessed with love and and returning health. I love you.
Dad.